……It was never about me,.. is about them…. but then ,,is just me and myself again..
There were times when I was constricted, and I felt guilty for being myself, having a good body, being feminine, graceful and sexy, enjoying music and dancing, speaking my mind and being independent… having breast implants , nice skin, smile…, and even stopped being proud for having long, abundant and fertile natural hair, no nails or false eyelashes glued with pretensions, is just that i carry with pride a beautiful genetic gift from my parents, including that natural coquetry & charisma of our Latin people,..
Few years ago.. well , …more than a decade already, I submitted to the wishes of other people and humiliated myself, I put myself under the rules of men, some misogyny without any respect for women and their value … but worse, women without love for themselves ,,, in which I trusted and stuck to their guidance and friendship , little i knew about the true meaning of this.. because i wasn’t always the lovely and tender woman i have become., I learned that women should empower and defend each other, to be sisters not enemies … but it is difficult to fight against the system and personal mindsets … and often women they have been more cruel than the men themselves..
After few years in this side of the world my self-esteem and security were extinguished … and I convinced myself that it was the right thing to feel, from the perspective of guilt, … it is no longer like that …but it has taken me a long process of Self Love forgiveness and acceptance.
Having different genetic and ancestral roots makes us rich and in fact is a blessing, it is a universal passport, …. what makes us miserable is: discrimination, and that includes me ( I do them , they do me)..I have also discriminated and judged, many times with strong reason and others by default ,,, but there are differences, and they are not only racial, but psychosocial that can’t be changed, evolutionary differences that only time and the improvement of the different species and terrestrial races could modify.
So …in order to learn, adapt, survive and be ‘normal’ I subjugated myself and adapt my ways to the requirements of the society in which I have lived since I traveled to Iran for the first time, then Egypt, then UAE, … what I did not imagine is that it was so hard to get in tune, as hard as trying to recover what I have left at the gates of this wonderful but multifaceted and moralized kingdom …. But what is fascinating is that I was able to mix, melt, heal, learn and enjoy what I have longed for since my childhood, traditions, cultures, loves and flavors of the Middle East … experiences that make up the ‘ Happy Stories of my sadness moments ‘…
By Luz B